The last month of my life has been pretty amazing.  For the first time in quite a few years, I've really put spiritual things first.  I've really made a habit of praying, and not just standard little "thank you for this day..." prayers; honest, true, devoted communication with my Father in Heaven.  I think it's related to Owen's baptism (which is Saturday), but I also think it's just due to time.  There are so many things I have been blessed with: talents, health, a wonderful family, an outstanding wife, etc.  But I've really come to realize that my most wonderful blessing is the eternal atonement of Jesus Christ.  I've always believed in the Atonement, but generally in how it applied to others.  In the past month, I've taken the opportunity to really understand how the atonement is for me as well, and what peace I've felt as a result of it.

 I felt so hopeless before.  I haven't committed any grave sins, but just the accumulation of small indiscretions had led to a loss of peace, understanding, and vision.  Repentance, which is only available through the atonement, is the defogger for the soul.  

The best lesson I can share about this is one of personal accountability.  In my case, what it really took for me to truly repent, was to first acknowledge what I had done.  It's a Primary answer, as to how the steps of repentance work, but I just never really got it until now.  You really have to take personal responsibility for what you have done.  You can't blame anyone else; it's PERSONAL responsibility.  That understanding of personal responsibility has helped me understand my role as a leader at work better.  It's helped me understand my role as a father better.  It's helped me understand my role as a husband better.  It's even helped me understand my role as a son better.

I've always known that I was endowed with spiritual gifts for leadership.  It was made quite obvious to me in my youth that I was to be a leader.  I think I got so distracted by the things of the world that I just forgot that fact, and in fact, tried to fight being a leader.  The time has come to grow up and accept what I have to do.  I have to be a leader, and that starts with being a leader in my home.  Zoni has often said that she wants me to lead, and I never really wanted to take the reins, but it's time.  It's past time, but in order to move ahead, you have to look forward, not back.  I'm looking ahead to great blessings.  I'm looking forward to returning to the temple with my sweet eternal companion, and enjoying the peace of heaven that can only be felt there on the earth.  I'm looking forward to enjoying every day that I'm able to wake up and pray.  It's nice to have the fog cleared.  It's miraculous to have experienced that mighty change of heart...